Have a new mindset

How many of you have heard people saying, "You’ve got to have a new mind" or "a new perspective?" It's difficult for anyone to have a new perspective when the reality in front of you is different. How do I have a new perspective when I am in debts, when my husband/wife is unfaithful, when I am unemployed, and and.... Having a new perspective doesn't necessarily mean you ignore what's in front of you but you simply acknowledging the fact that life on it's own is not a straight line of unchallenged successes and things don't just happen to you because you are bad person but they happen so that they can help you see something in you that's been hidden by the cluster in front of you.

Many years ago when I was found out I was sexually abused and that I was not a virgin, it was as if my life had hit rock bottom. I found out this after 2/3 years when the whole community was calling me a prostitute simply because I was smoking. I think because in the olden days people were not really used to women smoking, and women smoking back then was related to prostitution. I was 14/15 years when found out this, yet my life turned around to being something I have never imagined. The reality was simple, I was forced into making decisions that would save both families (my family and the family of the rapist), I also had to decide whether I continue living my life as I used to or changed. It felt as if I was forced to be an adult at the young age.

While people at age 14/15 are still kids and enjoying themselves, I was a kid forced into adulthood. I wanted to turn into being a man, men could smoke but no one ever named them prostitutes. My virgin was taken away from me without my consent “by a man”. So situations really favoured men, and I wished I could be re-born as a man so that my past could change. But my wishes could not become my reality. And I lived my life like that for many years. I was in denial; I was hurting, angry, confused and full of unforgiveness. I attracted the same type of people in my life, my relationships and my career. Angry people who wanted revenge, hurt people whose mandate were to hurt more people and everything else was a mess.

Like everybody else, I’d ask myself and God “why me?” what have I done so bad that my life would turn to be the way it was. Have you asked yourself that question? Well, after many years of living in turmoil I figured out one secret to living a life full of abundance. That secret was to have a new mindset and change my perspective. I found out that the only information I had in my mind was information that was bad, bad memories, bad encounters; everything was bad. And most of these bad things were done by people (well I thought); there was never a time I accepted that I also had a hand in whatever was going on in my life. It had to be other people and not me. He raped me, they called me names, they demoted me, they took my money but there was never a time when I was part of these bad things.

It was simple, it’s either I let people control my life or my view of what they did to me was wrong. So I read the bible, the most interesting chapter in the book of Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” What are the patterns of the world that’s been referred to here? The patterns were exactly what I used, blaming others and allowing their evil ways change the person I was meant to be. I had to renew my mind by being actively involved in my day-to-day life, taking responsibility of my own life, actions and feelings. I started reading books, attending classes and going to seminars. That helped me a lot because I was creating the life filled with memories I wanted. I learned to forgive people who’ve hurt me, intentionally or not. I have learned to forgive myself, and to learn new things and unlearn things that were not of any good.

I cannot forget that I was sexually abused, or called a prostitute or that I once almost lost my job because of a selfish boss who was pushing her own mandate. I honestly cannot forget, but I have forgiven all these people and forgave myself too for letting them control how I used to see myself and my future. Today I wake up knowing that I am strong, solid, secured and amazing and I know who I am and what is it that I want. I am living a life now that is on purpose and intentionally creating what my heart desires.

Have you walked the same path as me or perhaps you are going through what I went through? Let me remind you, no matter how painful it is, you are the only one who can save yourself from that mess by changing your attitude, perspective and focus. They said what you focus on expands, so if your focus is on bad things, guess what? Bad things will continue happening to you more and more. Sit down and do your little home work:

1.       List all the things you are grateful for in your life right now.

(Because nothing new can come into your life unless you open yourself up to being grateful)

2.       Write down what you want.

(If its money; write down the exact amount you want. If it’s a job, describe it, describe your boss, your colleagues and the salary. Be clear about what you want)

3.       Have a vision board. The bible said, without a vision the people perish… Proverbs 29:18

(Google pictures of the things you want to have, paste them in a board and look at them every day)

4.       Do your daily affirmation of the things that you want.

(If you want 1 million dollars or rands; begin to say, I have 1 million in my account. Visualise it. Feel it in your being. Don’t say you will have, say it as if it’s there.)

5.       Beware of your words and thoughts, if you have a bad thought, cancel it with a positive word.

6.       Read and finish a book, attend a seminar or a class.

All these will be your new way of living, if you commit to this lifestyle, your life will also change. For more, order my book Confessions and The Journey to learn about the physical work you can do to your body in order to get what you wish for.

Email: malebomaetso@gmail.com

Cell: +2771 147 2389

Being unmarried is NOT a sin

We are living in an age were people are rushing into marriage because they feel they are old, lonely, want babies or looking to hide their weaknesses. We grow up listening to others telling us it's time to get married. Nowadays churches are giving pressure to both the congregation and upcoming pastors, forcing them into marriage as if being single is a sin.

Rabbi Eleazar said "any man who has no wife is no proper man" and Talmud went even further by saying "The man who is not married at age 20 is living in a sin. But it is quiet astonishing what Paul, the man who has written most of the books in the new testament says about singleness. In 1 Corinthians 7: 7-8 Paul tells us in - "I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried. Although it seems that nearly everyone marries, it is not necessarily God's will for everyone.

Some people do better as a team and because God knows this, He gives them mates that will work together with them to accomplish his mission BUT some people do not work better as a team, they blend and make the other one do the work for them, so it is not God's will for people like that to be married. Do not conform to the patterns of this world. But be transformed by the RENEWING of the mind. Read, seek wisdom from God before you conform.

To be honest, singleness should not be viewed as a curse, just because your younger sister is getting married before you, doesn't mean you are cursed. Just because a pastor is not married, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. The most important thing in life is not marriage, but is serving GOD. Are you serving God in your singleness? Are you seeking His face in your life or you are busy looking for Mr or Mrs Right? People work day and night trying to impress their partners that they are ready for marriage. Let me tell you something, marriage is not cleaning, cooking and washing the dishes, nor is it paying the bills, providing a shelter. There are many people who are doing all these yet their marriages are still in shambles.

Marriage is an institution of God, made by Him and for Him. If you marry because of loneliness, lack of sex, wanting children, then really your marriage is not founded in God. Before you seek marriage, seek God first. The Bible said, seek the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and and everything else will be added unto you. God know who you are and what you need. Don't listen to the world saying you are getting old, be single INTENTIONALLY - Celibate! Seek God and God will give you what is meant to be yours.

A Submissive Woman

A wife must be submissive...

A wife must submit to her husband...

Oh WHAT A CLICHE! You have probably heard of this growing up, and surely even now. It is one of the most misunderstood concept in history and my worry is DO WE REALLY KNOW WHAT SUBMISSION REALLY IS?

I have struggle with this for a while because culture taught us that being submissive is being domestic. Meaning if you don't cook and clean, you are not a submissive. And some define submission as allowing yourself to be controlled by your spouse. But tell me, how on earth do you allow yourself be controlled by another person? Say you have been living alone for three decades, you get married in your early 30's and suddenly you're told you need to allow yourself to be controlled by someone else who probably doesn't have an idea where they headed to, do you think that make sense? NO!

Most husbands use this word SUBMISSIVE in order to treat their wives as slaves, most of them don't really understand what submission is and they aren't aware that submission is a two way stream. A couple must submit to each other, and the bible makes it clear in the book of Ephesians 5:21: "Submit to each other out of the reverence of Christ" -- It simple: husband love your wife and wife submit to your husband. All of this, is submission according to our different needs.

But let's first understand what submission is and what it's not.

Submission is not oppression and definitely not slavery.

If you look in the book of Genesis 3, Eve was deceived by the devil and because of that, it caused both of them (Adam & Eve) to fall out of the Glory of God. Why did the devil approach Eve? Because women are naturally emotional. Most of our decision are based on how we feel, and because sometimes how you feel can be deceiving, we need someone who can help us with logical thinking. Therefore because of the biological makeup of a man and his emotional well being, God wanted him to help with decision making. This doesn't mean that a woman must be quite or she is not allowed to make a decision, but two is better than one and sometimes a man's decision may be better because they think logically, not based on feelings. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT this doesn't mean a man is better than a woman nor does it give him the credit to oppress his wife. It simply means that working together can produce much better results.

But that's not all, in Ephesians 5:25 the bible says "husband love your wife as JESUS loved the church. A man's love is compared to Jesus's love for the church and we all know that He came to save us (the church) from the death penalty to eternal life. So Jesus had a PURPOSE with/for the church: to give us life and life in abundance. The second thing we need to notice here is His VISION for the church "whosoever believe in me shall not perish but have everlasting life" His vision is to take everyone with him back to the Father. Now before we get confused about submission, we must look at the fact that the husbands' love is compared to Jesus's love for the church and Jesus had a PURPOSE and a VISION for the church hence he gave up his own life for all this to be fulfilled. So this comes to my main point, a husband must have a PURPOSE for his life and a VISION for his marriage and he has to be willing to GIVE UP everything in order for this purpose/vision to materialize.

I know a lot of men who have a problem that their partners are not submissive, but are you certain that you have a vision for your marriage in order for your wife to submit to and was the vision communicated or you have subjected her to submitting to routines of cooking and cleaning and that's how you measure her respect and submission? I know we are taught that women must submit, look at God, we submit to him because of the vision and the promise he has for our lives. So submission require something a vision, a purpose or a promise. Culture/tradition has taught us that manhood is measured by how much you bring to the table and this left men running around looking for money in order for them to be recognized as REAL MEN, the society say, a real man work, he provides shelter and food for his family, no -- that's not what a real man does, a real man is the one who is Christ-like; the one who has wisdom, who is faithful, who has a vision and a mission. Nowadays men live their lives without a sense of purpose and without vision, going were the money is, and when they finally get the money, the come back home to oppress their wives with what the world said submission is.

It is your responsibility a man to lead your family to God. The bible said, without a vision the people perish and I am saying without the vision for your marriage, it is bound to collapse. You can't drive a car without knowing where you want to go. You have to know where you are going first then take your family with you, and if you know where you are going, your wife will really trust and submit to you. Maybe now she is not doing all that because you as the headship of the family, you don't know where you headed to.

Confession - Malebo Oldjohn

My Confessions

When I was in primary school, between the ages of eight and eleven, someone my family trusted so much, sexually abused me. This man is still alive today. He is not one of my primary school teachers nor is he a family member. Unfortunately, he took advantage of me, firstly because I was a kid and could not have fought him off and secondly, because I was clueless about sex. All of this happened for years, about three years, if I remember correctly. He would sleep with me any time he wanted, how he wanted and however long he wanted. As for me, I did not know what he was doing to me. Remember, I was a kid and in the olden days, our parents did not speak to us about sex because they were trying to protect us from teenage pregnancies and diseases, I believe. 

All I knew was that everything he was doing to me was, not only, physically painful but it was emotionally hurtful, as well. He used to warn me, in many instances, not to tell anyone. But then, I thought that even if I wanted to tell someone, what was I going to say? I did not know that that was rape. It went on and on, until one day I saw him doing the same thing he used to do to me with another woman. The difference between that woman and myself was that she was the guy’s peer. Seeing that gave me a bit of relief as I believed that it was natural. By then, I was a child, not even a teenager, and trying to figure things out on my own. The trauma I went through caused me to wet my bed for a long time FOR MORE PURCHASE YOUR COPY HERE

Confessions - New Book

I didn't have privilege like most women had. The privilege of actually agreeing whether or not I want to break my virginity.  Some guy made that decision for me without my concern.

I remember back in the early 2000 a friend of mine getting married a virgin. I judged myself and spoke all sorts of bad things. Things like; I am never going to get married because of what happened to me and maybe the reason why I am not getting the love I need its because men can see what that man did on me. There was a time I even blamed myself; that he sexually abused me maybe because I pushed him to do that. All this was simply because I holding onto something that I couldn't undo, even if I had all the powers, so that is the reason why I blamed myself, I was actually angry at the fact that, that particular story of my life is beyond me.

Then I decided to forgive him after 15 years of living in bondage. It was not easy but I had to do it anyway. Forgiveness will set you free. When I decided to forgive, my life started having more meaning and I stepped into my purpose; healing the nation through faith. I am married now, my husband is my number one supporter and cheerleader. His love for me was is not measured by what happened in my past like I thought when I was busy judging myself.

It is important to develop a strong ability to forgive. I know it’s easy to think that some people don’t deserve it, or that the other person needs to apologies first. Those are natural thoughts that can keep your mind super glued to bitterness and hate. Have you realized that forgiveness is not for them? it’s for you! Where there is pure forgiveness there is profound freedom.

Grab the new copy of my book CONFESSIONS on Amazon or from me by calling +27 71 147 2389